Some more notes...

First of all there was a typo in chapter 7. Where is says- Mother’s day was on the 13th; it was now the 10th.- it should say- Mother's Day was on the 13th, it was now the 13th.

Also, here is the site map:
Post one; this post
Post two; ch 7-8
Post three; some notes...
Post four; ch 1-6

I know in "Some Notes..." it says this, but I am going to say it again. If you would like to complete the book you must buy a copy. If you want to buy a copy, please comment either here, or on the homepage, leaving your email. The copies will probably not be completed for about a month, but I will email you when they are ready. I repeat, the rest of the book will not be available online.

Also, this blog is now a dead blog, or at least for now. I may post some publishing info on it, but ALMOST ALL OF IT, will be on the DREAMING REALITY HOMEPAGE, which is included in the Me Links. Please check the HOMEPAGE; I REPEAT, HOMEPAGE, weekly. Even though this blog is a dead blog, you are still free to come and visit any time you would like, to read info, or to reread the chapters posted already.

On the HOMEPAGE; I REPEAT, HOMEPAGE, I will be posting most of the publishing info. I will also just post other info concerning the book. I will continue to update the EXCERPTS, NOT CHAPTERS, of all of the chapters, even the last chapter. To find these either go to the HOMEPAGE; I REPEAT, HOMEPAGE, and scroll to the bottom part of the side bar, or look for the post that talks about them. I will make sure I add something about finding excerpts on the side bar. at the top. Eventually I may make the excerpts posts.

Soon I will begin making a blog for my new piece, A Step Into My Life. I have just began writing it, but I will start writing more vigorously once Dreaming Reality is out of the way. The link for this site will also be added to this site, along with the homepage. When the A Step Into My Life blog is created it will have both an overview site, and a homepage, just like Dreaming Reality.

I will also probably try and get all of my poems and short stories collected together to make a book of those. This information will be put on both the Dreaming Reality homepage, along with the A Step Into My Life homepage. For the continuation of this post, please look to the homepage.

Overview Two, Final Overview, Chapters 7-8

Chapter Seven

*I*

Ryan had just returned from the cremation. He wished he was still at the park, but as always happiness was only a quick visitor in Ryan’s life. He held the ashes in a jar in his hands. He was once again sitting on his bed, staring intently at the ashes. It was a small jar because only a portion of his mother’s body had made it. Ryan didn’t care, he just was happy to be holding his mom again.
Mother’s day was on the 13th; it was now the 10th. He was happy he had his mom to celebrate with, but he wished he could hug her. It wasn’t fair to him- why was his family dead? He already had a miserable life, but now it was filled with no family. He was choking back tears, and he succeeded. He figured that crying would only lead him to being even more upset, which is exactly what he wanted to avoid.
He glanced at his new digital clock. It was 11 am. He heard a rapping at his door. “Come in,” he said softly. The door swung open, to show Peter holding his pointer finger in front of his lips. He waved to Ryan, beckoning him out of bed. Curiously Ryan followed this odd command, and exited his room. There was a tray lying on the floor outside of his room. It had and assortment of breakfast food laid on it, which included toast, eggs, and a glass of orange juice.
“This is for ‘our’ mom; want to help me deliver it?” Peter said in a hushed voice. He was keeping quiet but the excitement in his voice could not be hidden. Ryan was surprised to hear ‘our’ mom, instead on my mom. It hit him hard, like a wooden plank smashing into his chest, knocking the air out of him. He enjoyed hearing that one word; ‘our’.
“Sure,” he responded, trying his very hardest to sound enthusiastic, even though secretly he was thrilled. They made their way down the hallway, which seemed a bit brighter to Ryan, even though the reason was unknown. How did his heart beat oh so fast, filled with pure joy. Why did this make him so giddy, he did not know, but he thoroughly enjoyed the sensation.
They tip-toed into Linda’s room, to find her sitting in her bed wide awake. There was a tear drop falling from her soft blue eyes, and it was running down her cheek, to rest bellow her lip. She sniffled and turned and seemed surprised to see the two young boys.
“What’s wrong mom, it’s your day!”
“Do you remember the year your father brought me the puppy for Mothers Day?”
“Why yes I do, God I loved that dog,” Peter replied. Ryan just stared in silence trying to piece the fragments of the conversation together to get something out of it, but he was unsuccessful, so he listened on. Peter continued, “But then that bloody idiot ran over the dog!”
“Yes, yes. I was just thinking of your father and how much we loved him,” she said, sounding as if her lips were holding back something that should be shared. Ryan’s growing curiosity caused him to yell out.
“What are you talking about?! Oh, I am so sorry, I didn’t think, God I feel awful.” There was an awkward silence that filled the room, but it was suddenly broken by Linda’s voice. It was soft and understanding.
“You know that Peter doesn’t have a dad, well of course you do. Well we aren’t really divorced. We wanted as little attention about his death as possible, so we lied and said we got divorced, and that he had moved to France. Well now that you are apart of the family you have the right to know the truth. I trust you not to tell anyone anything I am about to say.” Ryan simply nodded his head. She continued, “It was Easter Eve; we just got back from the beach and we were happy as ever. That Wednesday we were going to try to have a baby. Anyways, we were running late so Chris, my husband, dropped us off at the house and he ran out to get an Easter ham. On the way back he stopped to fill up at the gas station. Some of the gas had spilled underneath the car, and a smoker was next to him. The bloody bastard dropped his bloody cigarette into the gas. You can fill in the blanks.”
Ryan was shocked at the news. For one this is the longest time he had ever heard Ms. Stuart talk this long in one sitting. He allowed his eyes to wonder to Peter, whose eyes were holding back tears. Not knowing what to say he replied, “That was one bloody good cover up story. I thought the man who died was named John Ginsen.” He felt like a complete idiot.
“Yes, yes it was a good story,” Linda said. Ryan watched as a smile formed on her broken face, full of pain. Then the room burst into laughter. The boys cried happy Mother’s Day in unison, and the mood of the room lightened. They spent the next hour in Linda’s room, and during this time the two boys had also brought their own breakfast up. They were watching a television program called America’s Funniest Home Videos.
The program ended at 12:00, and Linda dismissed the boys from her room, so she could bathe. The boys complied with her command, and made their way to the kitchen where they cleaned the dishes. That’s when two things hit Ryan; Chris being the name of Peter’s dad was quite a coincidence, and he had completely forgotten about the items, and the final dream. He quickly finished the dishes and ran upstairs and into his room.
He reached his room and was ready to start looking for the spot he put the items, but something stopped him. It practically knocked the breath from him. It was the ashes, for they were the only thing sitting on the floor of the room. He felt a sudden sadness fall upon him, and he fell to his knees. He could hear the air move behind him, and he knew that Peter was standing there.
“Buddy, are you OK?” Peter asked sounding unsure of himself, and to be quite frank, he sounded unsure of Ryan as well. There was a brief silence, the silence that Ryan knew all too well, but it was broken by Ryan.
“Peter, I am in need of a friend who can listen to me, and not ask questions. I need to tell you something that is running my life right now, but no one will believe. I think that you can rise up, and be that hell of a friend!” Peter just nodded, letting a smile upon his face, and turned to shut the door. Then looking back he decided to lock it as well.

*II*

For the next half an hour Ryan took his time explaining every minute detail of every individual dream. He stopped and stared at Peter, half expecting him to point and laugh, but he was very wrong. Instead Peter nodded in agreement and said, “I went through the same freaking crap when my father died. I had weird dreams, and sometimes I thought I even saw him at school. It is your mind playing tricks. It wares off, and eventually you stop seeing that kind of stuff.”
“But, no! This is different, really different. These dreams match up exactly to the past; it can’t just be a coincidence.”
“I felt the same way, don’t scare yourself, everything is fine.” The way Peter said these words severely annoyed Ryan. He felt like he was being talked down on, disrespected.
“Oh, ok, I believe you. Thank you so much for the help. Not to be rude, but can you give me some time, just to you know, reflect.” Ryan was lying through his teeth, and he was beginning to wonder if Peter knew it, but this fear was abolished when Peter smiled and left the room, latching the door behind him.
Ryan held the jar of ashes in his arms, almost embracing it. He could no longer hold back the tears, and he saw them fall on the glass. He hugged the jar tighter and tighter, and then he begun to speak to it. “Mom, I know that I never told you this, but you are a great mom, and I love you. I am so happy I can finally tell you, or at least what is left. The bloody ashes; these are the only things I have left of you!”
Ryan did not know whether or not the rest of his “family” could hear him, but he did not care in the slightest. The tears were coming faster and faster, when finally he had none left. He had cried himself out, he was done. He tucked the ashes underneath his pillow, and turned to leave the room.
He sat in the den waiting for the return of Peter and Linda. They had left at 2:30, and had told him that they would be back in an hour or so. The only noise in the house was the ticking of the clock in the kitchen. The tick-tock had become catchy in Ryan’s ears, and he hummed along, not knowing what else to do. Then the garage door opened.
He leapt out of his seat and ran to greet the two. They opened the door, seeming surprised to see him standing there like that. Linda showed a big grin, ear to ear, and held out her hands, which held a puppy, not older then 8 weeks old.
“This is for you,” Peter said, also smiling. “It’s a Golden Retriever, we didn’t name him yet. We thought we would let you.”
Ryan didn’t even have to think. “Chris!” he shouted.
“What?” Linda said sounding confused.
“That’s his name, Chris, definitely.” Ryan repeated the name to himself several times before he finally fell silent.
“OK, I like that name, yes I really like that name,” Peter murmured.
“Chris it is then; Chris Stuart!” Linda shouted.
“Wait, we have to give it a middle name,” Ryan said.
“A middle name, for a dog?” Linda asked.
“Yes, yes, a middle name.”
This time it was Peter who spoke. “Mom, everything needs a middle name.”
“Well OK, I’ve just never given my dog a middle name before. So what is the middle name going to be Ryan?” Ryan stared at the ground for a moment, and then quietly spoke.
“M.L.; that is Chris’ middle name.”
“M.L., what type of name is that?” Linda asked, almost sounding scornful.
“Maggie Lucida, that is what it means mom,” Peter said, sounding uncomfortable and proud at the same time. There was an awkward silence, the one that seemed to follow Ryan around, waiting to strike at every awkward moment.
“Thank you Ms. Stuart, or ‘mom’,” Ryan said. They all dispersed to their own parts of the house, but this time Ryan had a friend, had Chris M.L. Stuart.



Chapter Eight

*I*

He gathered his items and laid them in his bed. Feeling satisfied he went to brush his teeth and say his good nights. He had everything except the damned note, and he was feeling pretty good about it. He let the cold water splash into his face before he brushed. It awakened him; it sharpened his senses, which was exactly what he needed before his final dream. Sense.
He speedily walked down the stairs and hugged Linda. It had been a week since Mothers Day, and the next day was the last day of school; a Monday. He wasn’t sure why he felt tonight was the right night for the dream, for he had slept with the items for the entire week, and his dreams were nothing but crap. It was just tonight he felt something, something supernatural.
“Peter is upstairs, I think in his room,” Linda said. Ryan just smiled and nodded, for this is where Peter was every night, regardless of the situation. Ryan was 95% sure that he was listening to his I-pod, and it was probably playing the song X Amount of Words. This song was a random list of random things, but Ryan liked it, and it supposedly helped Peter to bed.
When Ryan entered Peter’s door, which was unusually wide opened, he heard Peter singing the lyrics to a song; X Amount of Words- go figure. “Relapse, prevent, trigger, intent, now drown; High-strung, say X amount of words. Your solar bi-polar panic disorder seems harder and harder…” Peter sung.
“Ehem!” Ryan said loudly, which startled Peter. He jumped and seemed to gasp for air. Ryan chuckled and said goodnight, getting the same in return. Ryan was in a strangely good mood; in fact he was in a splendid mood.
He marched to his room, and it took him a moment to realize that he had an ear to ear smile on his face. He almost tripped over Chris, but caught himself at the last second.
He had developed a nickname for Chris; Spot. This was because right in the middle of his belly there was a black spot, the only spot on the dog. It was a very strange thing because the dog was a Golden Retriever. Even thought this was strange, it intrigued Ryan, and made him wonder if this dog was special; meant to be his.
He plopped his body into bed, and said his goodnight prayer, something that Maggie had him hooked on. Once he finished his prayer he leaned over and clicked off his bedside lamp.
Right before he did this he glanced quickly through his room. It was less bare and intimidating now. He had hung up several posters, and Chris (Spot) had really made the room a happier place. He leaned over the edge of his bed to make sure the ashes were still under it- they were.
He laid his head down and shut his eyes. He had become very used to his light hair falling over his eyes. It was hardly noticeable, but ever since the accident his senses had become very strong. He heard Linda walk up the stairs and retreat into her master bedroom.
This made him feel a sorrowful feeling. “Such a large room, a master bedroom, all for one person- Linda. Yes, of course it would be nice, but wouldn’t it get lonely from time to time?”
Finally he let his mind settle the busy thoughts floating around, and he relaxed his entire body, feeling the picture frame in his arms. It was there, solid, whole, and cold. But then and odd sensation came over Ryan. He felt lightheaded, as if he were floating. The picture frame felt as if it were slipping from his arms, pulling harder and harder until it was gone.
Ryan tried to force his eyes open, but they stayed adamant. He could feel his eyes moving frantically in his sockets. He let out a yelp, and his eyes let loose. What he saw sent shivers through his spine. He gasped for air, but his lungs seemed to collapse. There was nothing, nothing at all. It was darkness, a hellish darkness. The bloody room was gone.
He felt his body flying through who knows what. It was pure hell. He felt as if, as if he were traveling. But this traveling was different. Never had a car made him feel like he was separating.
“This is just like in the sci-fi movies, time travel, or at least how they make it look like.” Suddenly Ryan was in great pain and he shouted out, “Holy shit!” He was not sorry for his language; for the pain was so intense he would rather be dead…

*II*

Ryan opened his eyes, and all of his senses were blurred. He thought he heard his name so he turned and looked behind him. It was his mother. “Mom?’ he whispered in disbelief, “Is it really you?”
“Of course honey, now come on, we need to get your bags on the bus, you are going to be late,” she replied, sounding excited and slightly confused at the same time.
“Ok…” Ryan replied. That is when it hit him- what Chris had said. He had told him that he had witnessed his last dream- this was real. The time change, the pain, this was it. He was in the past, and it was his turn to fix things.
He said goodbye, but turned back. “Mom, can you please kiss me right on the lips right now? I have a bad feeling. Just one more hug.”
“Sure, of course,” Julie replied, now sounding completely lost.
“I love you mom,” he whispered as he turned and walked toward the bus. He had just realized that his rolling suitcase was being pulled by his left arm, and his pillow was in his right. “Shit!” he whispered. “The items didn’t come with me! Damn it1”
“What did I say about cursing young man?” Ryan instantly recognized the voice, and it almost brought tears to his eyes. He turned to see Maggie, wonderful Maggie. He touched his hand to her fragile arm, but then realized how foolish he looked, so he said sorry and continued on. Then he saw it, the hand off. He saw as Lindsey set her picture down on the suitcase, except this time he saw it in a picture frame.
The frame resembled the one he bought exactly. “How ironic,” he thought to himself. He ran over and began to speak to Lindsey.
“Hey, wow, what a wonderful picture, and not to mention a nice frame. May I suggest that you take this treasure on the bus with you; we wouldn’t want it to get broken! Oh, and by the way, that is a lovely dress you are wearing in that picture.”
Momentarily Lindsey just stared at Ryan blankly, as if what he had said was forbidden. Finally she spoke. “Why thanks, yes, thank you, I’m really glad you thought of that.” Chris and Lindsey walked off together whispering about something. Ryan assumed it was about him.
“Wow, that is an improvement for you. That was really kind of you to save such a nice picture. Who knows, if you hadn’t mentioned it you might have put your suitcase on it!” Maggie said carelessly. Ryan blanked, not believing what he had just heard. “What, what is it, is it something I said?”
“Actually, yes, it was.”
“What, what did I say?”
“I don’t know, it was just like an, I don’t know, a Déjà vu.” Ryan thought it was a pretty good cover up and decided to change the topic. “Guess what, I have been praying every night.” Ryan was telling the half truth, but at this point who really gave a crap?
“Wow, are you making better choices now?”
“Hell yes, I mean yes ma’am!”
“Much better, much better indeed.” Ryan glanced at the luggage one last time, grateful that this time there was no ruined picture. He helped Maggie get her bags onto the bus, and then he noticed Jen, walking along with Jerry.
“Hey guys,” Ryan shouted. The two looked over at him and smiled. “I don’t know why I’ve just realized this, but lately I have been a real jerk; I want to change and I apologize for any rude comments I have made to you!” The two just stared at each other, and smiled.
“Thank you Ryan, that would be greatly appreciated!” Jen said. Jerry nodded his head suggesting that he agreed. The two walked onto the bus, and Ryan followed, with Maggie right by his side. Ryan approached Ben, and he made sure he gave him a huge smile followed by;
“Why it is so great to see you today! How are you doing? I can’t wait to start the trip!”
“Umm, I’m fine! Wow, you’ve never been so polite before, is everything alright?”
“Of course, I just think God gave me a shout out, warning me of my old attitude. He and I decided there needed to be a change”
“Well that’s wonderful, take a seat on the bus!” Ryan went ahead and saw the “klutz”, but this time she was holding 5 of the folders that Ryan had picked out. Instead of tripping her, he leaned over and took a folder from her, and laid it in her bag on the ground.
“Why thank you, I’m sorry, what is your name?” the Klutz asked.
“Oh, it’s Ryan, pleased to meet chya! And what might your name be?”
“It’s Kimberley, Kimberley Scott! You can call me Kim if you’d like to.”
“Nice to meet you Kim!” Maggie said enthusiastically. They exchanged smiles and began there walk down the aisle. Maggie led Ryan directly to the seat of the “past”. Ryan was thinking about how weird this was, but then he thought that if she hadn’t picked the seat it would have made the situation all the more stranger. Then Ryan remembered the thank you note for Jerry. How was he to remember what the bloody card said? He decided he would wing it, and improvise. After all that is what he had been doing the entire time.
“Hey Jerry,” he called out. He continued, “Hey come over here, I’d like to tell you something.” Jerry walked over without a word and looked at Ryan, as if he were waiting for something.
Finally he said, “Yes, what do you want?”
“I owe you an apology, for not only the bullying, but the fact that you cared when my uncle died the other week. I had hardly known him, so to me it was no big deal. But still, for you, someone I hardly know, to apologize, that is so nice. Thank you for your care, the care that you shared. Even though I didn’t know I needed it, I was wrong. Thank you for your kindness, even through my meanness.”
“Well you’re welcome, but for God’s sake, how long did it take for you to come up with something so cheesy; it’s like it’s out of one of those cheesy cards! Ha, I’m just joking, but thank you for taking your time to thank me!” Ryan watched as Jerry walked back over to Jen.
He then just figured out that he had recited the card exactly- word for word. He realized two more things, both quite interesting. First he realized that Jerry liked Jen, and Jen like Jerry back. He knew this because the way their eyes locked, just like his and Maggie’s. “Hey Jerry, go for it, and don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!” Ryan shouted out. He felt like an idiot, but at the same time he felt like what he said was needed. Jerry just nodded and said something to Jen. She smiled and jumped up and hugged him. Ryan felt fantastic for what he had just done.
The other thing he realized was a little more important. He was beginning to wonder if this was really time travel, or just a dream. Chris had told him that he would only witness one more dream, which made him think that this was just a dream in which he was in. But at the same time he could feel the heat of the sun, and the soft touch of Maggie’s arm. He thought this was real, in fact he knew this was real.
Ryan had just noticed that the bus had been moving for several moments, and that everyone was in the exact same seat as he remembered. He had just gone through a sort of surreal moment, or a moment that seemed unreal, almost like he was dreaming. How ironic…

Some notes...

I am terribly sorry to say this, but I will not be posting the entire book online. Here I will post chapters 7-8, and the rest is a mystery. If you go to the dreaming reality homepage you will still be able to read excerpts and Lulu(publishing) information. I highly suggest you look through this page weekly for updates. Above this post will be Chapters 7-9 and below 1-6.

Overview One, Chapters 1-6

Chapter One

*I*

Forty-five days had passed since the accident. Forty-five days of suffering, with 3 less friends to help him through it. It had been 45 days since all the innocent lives had been lost, except one. One life was saved, and Ryan was wondering why it was his life. Why not Jen’s or Zach’s? Why not the 5 year-old boy’s sitting in front of him? These questions were buzzing in Ryan’s head, and he was having a difficult time going to sleep, but he was used to it. For the past 45 nights he couldn’t sleep. Ryan did not sleep that night, and when the alarm went off at 7:00, he was not to enthusiastic about getting up. Forty-five days ago he might have been happier.
When he got into the shower he felt freezing, but when he looked at the faucet it was on hot. The shower had felt the same way every morning to him, for the past 45 mornings. He got out of the shower and saw a lousy image staring back at him, instead of what the girls called “the hottest guy in the eight-grade.” The lousy image staring at him had long blonde hair, a few freckles, and a fairly muscular body. The normal energetic, happy face he carried with him was now a sad, gloomy face, and he blamed it all on the accident, and not an ounce of it was his fault, or so he thought.
At school everyone was bustling around. It was the typical morning, shouting, pushing, and the occasional curse word. As he walked through the hallway people gave him “waz-up”, and routinely he said nothing. People always told him how great he was, but to himself he was nothing to look up to. Yes, he was popular, and had tons of “friends”, but lately he just wished he was normal and he that he was no longer obsessed with fitting in. For once he just wanted to be average.
“Hey, how’s it going?” Jake, his friend, asked as he entered science. Jake was a fairly tall fellow, with short brown hair, that looked out of place if you stared at it too long. Ryan was so angry that people acted like the accident never happened. The accident had ruined his life, and he had been miserable for over a month. If you were going to talk to him you might as well acknowledge that the accident happened. Stuffing his thoughts back inside his mind, he responded, as usual, with and O.K.
Ryan walked over to Lauren and Peter, two new friends he had made. They were not popular, and honestly Ryan really enjoyed their company. He liked them more than all of the “populars” put together. When he was around his two new buddies, he could relax, and he knew that they knew that he was sad. Even though Ryan had only known them for several weeks, he could tell them everything. He always told them stories about Jen and Zach, and even Lindsey, who 45 days ago meant nothing to him. Ryan liked Lauren and Peter because they knew how to listen.
At 10:00 Ryan was called out of class to the counselor. His mom had signed him up, and he hated it. All they ever said was, “And how do you feel about that?” To him it was completely pointless. Once again he sat through and idiotic hour in the guidance counselor’s office.
When Ryan was dismissed to the busses he was so happy. Lately his grades were slipping, and he had just gotten lectured by his math teacher, Mrs. Shapokowski, his least favorite teacher.
*II*

That night when Ryan was getting ready for bed, he realized that at midnight it would be 46 days since the accident. It killed him inside that he was the only one… the only survivor. He would give his life to save all the lives and prevent the accident.
He said his prayer, and for the 46th night he asked that this was all just a really bad dream, and he pleaded that he would wake up. He slowly dosed asleep thinking about Maggie, someone who was a little more than a friend to Ryan. This was the fist night that he had fallen into a deep sleep, in now, 46 nights.
He began to dream about a parking lot. He did not know this, but it had just stricken midnight. Suddenly the lot burst into life. He had a suitcase, and Maggie was standing next to him, pretty as ever. She had her natural long blonde hair hanging loose, and it was blowing in the wind. Her soft features soothed Ryan, both past and present.
He now knew was dreaming about his church trip to the mountains. He tried to talk to Maggie, but there was no response. There was a tap on Ryan’s shoulder and he turned to see Chris, a dorky kid in his youth group.
“This is the beginning, and there is only one rule, and that is you can NOT prevent the past,” Chris said. “Oh, and there is no way for you to communicate with any of the kids. It’s like this is a movie of your past, and we are the audience. I am your guide.”
“What is going on?” Ryan asked. Ryan watched as his past self walked up to Maggie and the both walked over to the bus. Suddenly he saw Lindsey with Chris. They were putting their luggage in the bottom of the bus. He saw Lindsey put a very well drawn picture of a heart with a note attached under her suitcase, trying not to let Chris see. Then she put a picture of what Ryan thought was her family, on top of her suitcase. The past Ryan was focused on Maggie, and did not notice what was going on.
“This is my favorite picture, I take it everywhere with me. That way I can have a piece of my family everywhere I go. If anything happened to it I would be crushed,” she said to Chris. Chris seemed concerned, and he also seemed like he cared. Ryan knew that if anyone had ever told him that he would have probably dismissed the comment and started talking about himself again. After Lindsey looked right at the real Ryan and completely ignored him, Ryan concluded that no one could see him, and that he was here for the show.
Next he saw himself throw his suitcase on top of Lindsey’s. To his terror he watched as Lindsey’s family picture was destroyed completely. It was torn and was full of crinkles. The picture was soiled, and Ryan didn’t think it was fixable. “I am such an idiot,” Ryan thought.
“Look at what you did!” Maggie said. Her tone was silly, but the present Ryan noticed her eyes. They were cold and unforgiving. He never realized how much his attitude bothered her before. He knew he had heard rumors that she liked him, but at the moment Ryan couldn’t come up with anything to like, besides his looks, which was pushing it, and I mean really pushing it.
“She’ll get over it, she’s a dork anyways! Ha!”
“Can you please try to be nicer, you’re awesome and all but your attitude can really make you a mean person,” Maggie said in a friendly tone.
“Fine,” Ryan replied in an un-serious tone.
The “real” Ryan felt terrible. He turned to the “real” Chris.
“Why are you showing me this, I know I screwed up, but all your doing is making me feel worse. If you are trying to help you are doing a horrible job!”
Simply Chris said, “It’s time for you to go.”


Chapter Two

*I*

Ryan woke up shaking, half expecting to see Chris. “That couldn’t have been a dream, no, it was too real,” Ryan thought. He remembered seeing the sweat on his own face. From what Chris had said, he was witnessing himself living in the past. He was witnessing what happened before the accident. He concluded that he was “watching a movie of the past, and Chris was selling the tickets.”
Although Ryan did not know this, what he thought was exactly right. I will tell you that no one dreams so vividly that they can see the sweat one someone’s face, and remember it in the morning. That’s the equivalent of you going to an amusement park and seeing a man in an orange shirt, and remembering it 5 years later.
Ryan glanced at the clock. It read 6:30. According to the clock the dream had taken hours, but according to his teacher the average dream only lasted 2-10 seconds. By the time it was 7:00, Ryan had convinced himself that he must have had other dreams, but just forgotten them. He had other theories too, but the rest were more disturbing.
Maggie was the only thing Ryan could think about that day at school. He couldn’t figure out if it was her looks he was so focused on, or her words. They both seemed worth paying attention to. She tried to tell him, but he didn’t listen, and was mean about Lindsey’s picture. Ryan wasn’t sure why he dreamt about that particular moment, but it was really bugging him. He remembered that on that day all he could think about was how good Maggie looked, and how he was too ignorant to notice anybody else’s existence. If he had just taken the time to look for 2 seconds maybe he could have prevented the picture from being mutilated, and maybe, just maybe, he could change the past, but that was just a small idea tucked into the back of his thoughts.
Ryan tried hard to remember what Lindsey’s picture looked like. He knew the one she drew was a giant pink heart, with the outlines of other hearts around it. It was the family picture he was having trouble with. He didn’t know why this was suddenly so important to him, but he figured he owed her some respect. All Ryan could come up with was that her family was standing in front of a white backdrop, and that the entire family was wearing very fancy clothing. Lindsey was wearing a red dress with a white rose pinned onto it. She looked beautiful. Ryan wondered why he didn’t think this 46 days ago.
The thing that was puzzling Ryan the most was why Lindsey had just laid her prized possession out in the wide open. It was like she was asking for it to be destroyed. The more and more he thought about it, the more and more convinced he became that the incident was just meant to be.
Ryan’s daydream was abruptly interrupted by the screaming of the bell. He grabbed his stuff and headed for the door, but Mr. Blatino stopped him. Mr. Blatino, Ryan’s science teacher, let the entire class filter out before he began to talk.
Mr. Blatino was not a large man, and was not very intimidating. Ryan could probably of just pushed his way out of class, and left whatever what was about to be said in the past, but he figured he probably also get in more trouble than it was worth.
“I don’t have a class this period, so I thought we could talk,” he said.
“I don’t want to talk about the accident, and I refuse to do so,” Ryan replied.
“What accident?”
“Don’t play stupid with me, I know that you know!”
“Well maybe I do know, but let’s forget about it…”
“Forget about it?!” Ryan interrupted. “Forget about it? You witness 30 deaths and then tell me to forget about it!”
“You know what I mean, come on, don’t be silly.”
“Me, being silly, I don’t think I do know what you mean! Goodbye Mr. Blatino!” With that Ryan turned around and stomped out of the class, slamming the door on the way.
When Ryan arrived home his mother informed him that Mr. Blatino had called. Ryan thought he knew what was coming next, but to his surprise he was wrong.
“He just wanted to let us know that you were doing great, and wanted to thank you for being such a good student.”



*II*

When Ryan finished his homework he headed outside to his favorite climbing tree. He loved this tree over all of the other trees because you could see all around you, and there always seemed to be the perfect breeze, passing through the leaves. Even on the hottest day in the summer, he swore he still felt it. He climbed into the tree and thought about the number 30. Forty-six days ago the number 30 would have meant nothing to him, but forty-six days ago 30 less people were dead. He would never forget the number 30. Even after the accident he counted the bodies, knowing that there had been 30 people on the bus. As much as the number 30 bugged him, the fact that the number wasn’t 31 bugged him even more.
Right after the accident Ryan considered suicide, but he figured that would do nothing but shatter his family’s life, and make things more difficult. He figured his death would cause more problems than it would solve.
After he had thought about the number thirty, Maggie, Zach, and Jen enough he went back inside and hopped into the shower. For once the shower didn’t feel so cold. Even though the dream disturbed him, it helped him get over the accident. Although the shower felt warmer, it smelled different. It smelled like Maggie’s favorite perfume. He would always remember that smell. Ryan didn’t know this, but later on that week he would be reminded of it even more.
When Ryan crawled into his bed he routinely said his prayer, but instead of asking to wake up, he thanked God for letting him have a better day. Surprisingly he didn’t even think about the fact that at midnight it would be night 47. Ryan didn’t ever pray before the accident, and Maggie had always tried to talk him into it. After her death Ryan felt like he needed start praying, but soon he no longer did it for her, but for himself. He felt that God was always there for him and that he would always listen, no matter what a terrible thing he had to say. Ryan learned something about himself after the crash. He learned that he liked people who listened to him.
Ryan put his I-pod onto the song Chasing Cars. He loved that song. It was sad, but he could relate to it so well. The song ended and the next one put him to sleep.
Ryan saw the picture of Lindsey’s family, and then Chris. He realized he was at the bus. This time he made sure he took a good look at the picture. He never knew Lindsey had a brother, and a sister. He always thought she was an only child.
“This is now part two,” Chris said.
“You mean I’m going to be dreaming the same thing over and over again?” Ryan asked.
“No, well yes, well I guess you have the right to know. We’re giving you a second chance. Make sure you notice all of the things you have done that ruined the other person’s day.”
“But I thought you said I couldn’t change or prevent the past.”
“I never said anything about changing it; you just can’t prevent what happens.”
“Wait, I am so confused!”
“Just watch."
Ryan watched as his past self walked over to the entrance of the bus. Ben, the youth director said hi to him, but Ryan completely ignored him. Ryan then noticed a girl carrying a huge pile of papers trying to get onto the bus. He assumed that it was all of the permission slips, health forms, etc. He watched as his past self pushed past her, which caused the pile to come toppling over onto the girl.
“Watch it klutz,” the past Ryan said.
“What did I just say?” said Maggie.
“Why did I do that?!” Ryan said to Chris.
“That’s for you to answer,” said Chris.
Once again Ryan woke up shaking.



Chapter Three

*I*

Why, why were they showing him all of his mistakes? Why not all the good things he had done. Maybe he didn’t do anything good. Why was he the only survivor? Why was the number of deaths 30, and not 31?
These were the questions in Ryan’s mind as he tried to sleep. It was only 4:00 this morning.
“The dream must have been shorter tonight,” Ryan thought. “Yes, it must have been shorter, maybe it was the only dream I had, but that would still make it hours long. I must have had other dreams, I absolutely must have!”
Even though Ryan came across as thinking this firmly, on the inside he was questioning himself.
“What if this whole thing was planned or something along those lines? But, no it was too sci-fi. But, really, maybe some high up being, or secret organization was causing this, like you see in the movies. This all would have been easier to be believed as a coincidence if the events hadn’t been sequential. All the details in the dreams also perfectly matched up to real life. Maybe this was God’s doing, but no his job is to make to make everyone feel better, right? Right?”
The more he thought about this the harder it was to go back to sleep, and without a surprise the alarm began to buzz. Ryan sighed and using all his strength he rolled out of bed. Once again he hopped into the shower and ignored the fact that it seemed colder. The smell of Maggie’s perfume still slightly lingered in the air, but Ryan figured it was probably just his imagination.
By the time Ryan got to school he decided that if he had another dream that this was like a premonition event, or something that has been planned out for him. If the dreams ceased he would decide that the dreams were just a coincidence. This idea made sense to Ryan, and seamed reasonable.
During Spanish he really had to go to the bathroom and he knew his teacher wouldn’t let him. According to her the elective was an “academic” and we couldn’t miss her class. He asked her and obviously she said no. He held it until fourth block, which was math, and fortunately he was allowed to go.
All through math he thought about Chris. He didn’t understand why Chris was the “guide” through the dreams. Jen or Zach would have made more sense. He didn’t even talk to Chris! Why would Chris try to help him, but really he wasn’t helping at all. Ryan had severely confused himself by the end of class, and was relieved when he remembered he was a car rider. He was spending the night at Peter’s house.
He was really hoping that the dream thing was just a coincidence by the time he arrived at Peter’s house. The whole car ride they were discussing the school day, but Ryan was thinking of other things. He was never one for stupid small talk. He especially hated it when he used it with Maggie. Why ask her why her how her day went when he spent the whole day with her.
That night the boys were slaves to Peter’s Xbox 360. They stayed up past midnight and when bed time came Ryan was happy. The dream thought was not going through his head at this point; he was just looking forward to laying his head on a soft pillow. He laid down on the pull-out mattress Peter’s mom had prepared and became very comfortable. His hair fell over his eyes, but he didn’t care.
His dream started with an image of a girls face. It was normal except for the fact that there was a gash in her cheek, and her eyes were staring strait at him, not blinking. She was dead. Ryan felt like screaming. It was Lindsey.
Chris’s voice came into the scene and Ryan was on the bus.
“You are late.”
“That’s what you have to say to me. I have gone through so much, and your consoling is a ‘you’re late’. I have gone through enough, and enough is enough. What is going on?”
“Why do you ask, you already know, this isn’t a coincidence, and you know it all too well, you just don’t want to admit it!”
“So I’m guessing this is real, oh my God, it can’t be. I can’t relive this whole experience. The death, the screams, no, I can’t, why would I want to?! Are you insane?”
“You haven’t seen the worst of it yet, and you will, but for now just watch.”
The past Ryan was now sitting down. A boy named Jim, who was sitting several seats in front of him, was calling his name. Ryan remembered ignoring him, just for the heck of it. Why did he do it, why did he have to be so mean? The present Ryan was curious to what Jim wanted, so he walked over, and all Jim wanted to say was sorry.
Ryan’s uncle had died a week ago, and since Ryan didn’t know him well he didn’t really care. But the fact was that Jim was trying to show sympathy, and Jim hardly knew Ryan.
The past Ryan was such a JERK! He thought he was so cool, but to his surprise, Ryan learned that he wasn’t, he was a dork, a loser, a selfish, mean person. He began to realize that he was learning this the hard way.
If the dreams continued it would take him all the way to the accident, and he really hoped they stopped. Like he had told Chris, he couldn’t watch it again, and for all he knew it could get worse.
Ryan focused on the bus scene again. He overheard Jerry talking to Jen.
“You know, I’ve tried to be nice to Ryan, but no matter what I do, he still treats me like a piece of trash,” he said.
“Yeah, I agree, I’m his friend, but lately he has just been really mean. I think he is trying to fit in by being ‘cool’, but honestly he has gone too far. I don’t know how Maggie stands him. I especially don’t know what she sees in him!” Jen exclaimed.
“See in him, what do you mean?”
“You haven’t heard, she is like in love with him, and I think he likes her, he’s just to chicken to ask her out.”
Ryan couldn’t believe it; one of his best friends didn’t like him anymore. He knew he had really screwed up, but he didn’t know how to fix it. He would if he could, he honestly would, but they were all dead, and the last time he checked you can’t help a dead person feel better.
At this point Chris was coming back into the scene.
“You will only witness one more dream, and then the next stage comes. After tomorrow night I suggest you prepare yourself. If you don’t, you’ll regret it,” he said.
“What, I don’t understand?” Ryan inquired, but it was too late, he already felt himself drifting out of the dream.



Chapter Four

*I*

The fact that Ryan was at Peter’s house kept him from having a nervous breakdown. The information that he had learned from his dream chilled him. If the worst still hadn’t happened, that HAD to mean that he would be shown the accident. He had been so go about trying to let go of the whole terrible thing, but now that was all he could think about.
He was eating a chocolate chip muffin as he was thinking about the previous night. Peter was telling about his dreams, and Ryan almost laughed when he said his dream showed his dog dying, and it was the worst dream he had ever had.
“If Peter was having the same dreams I am having, he would be crying to his mom,” Ryan thought.
Ryan had considered telling Peter about the dreams, but he knew that he would immediately be considered crazy, and he would be rushed to therapists, and sent to an asylum. Basically his life would be ruined and no one would believe why he was so upset. The idea was not pleasant in the slightest.
Peter had been planning to take Ryan to his new house, which was currently being built. They had a huge lot, which was full of trees, and there was a creek running through the woods. Their house was also enormous, 4 stories. Ryan was looking forward to seeing the house, and getting some fresh air. He had always loved the woods, and not to mention the water.
“Are you guys done eating, and ready to go to the lot?” Peter’s mother asked. The boys responded in unison with a yes. Ryan made sure to get all his stuff, and he remembered that he had forgotten his toothbrush upstairs in the bathroom.
“I’ll be out in a minute, I’m just getting my toothbrush,” he told the other 2. Without hesitation they walked out into the garage to the car, and Ryan went upstairs. When he got to the bathroom he found his toothbrush without an issue. Involuntarily he turned to the mirror, and took a minute to look at himself. The freckles on his nose were becoming more noticeable now that the sun was coming out. In another month, or June, they would be a lot more noticeable. His arms looked less muscular. He hadn’t been exercising very much after the crash. He quit his basketball team, and spent his spare time in his room. Suddenly Ryan realized the time. He had been upstairs for almost 5 minutes.
When Ryan reached the car Peter and his mom were in a discussion about colleges, and they didn’t mind that Ryan had taken so long. They hardly noticed when he got into the car. Peter was talking about going to college out west. Money wasn’t an issue for Peter’s family, but his mom was not too thrilled with the idea.
“Don’t you want to go to school here in North Carolina, your home state? You’ve lived here all of your life, why leave?”
“Well, I want a change, I’m tired of the same town, the same faces, the same everything. I hate feeling like I’m confined here!” Peter replied. Suddenly the 2 realized Ryan was in the car and they were off.
Peter turned on the radio and the song Chasing Cars came on. He couldn’t seem to get rid of the song. He felt like it was following him around. The thought of Peter leaving didn’t make him feel better. All of a sudden Ryan had the urge to scream, it just came over him.
If I lay here,
If I just lay here;
Would you lie with me?
And just forget the world?

“NO, no, no, I won’t, I want change!” Ryan screamed.
At this point Ryan felt like a complete moron, he just screamed at the radio.
“What won’t you do?” Peter and his mom asked almost simultaneously.
“Um, I don’t know, I’m really sorry; I don’t know what came over me.”
Ryan was relieved when the pulled into the driveway. He was ready to get out into the open air. He was ready to have fun.
The two boys hopped out of the car and Peter headed for the forest. Ryan followed behind, trying to keep up, and trying not to trip. Peter had long hair, and it was flying in the wind, and looked quite funny. Ryan couldn’t help from laughing. This was the first time he had laughed in a very long time.
Peter led Ryan into a deep part of the forest. Ryan had seen a sign marking the end of Peter’s property, and was beginning to worry.
“Are you sure we are supposed to be out here?” Ryan asked.
“Of course we are, just stay quiet, I’ve heard that the man that owns this lot has a shotgun.”
“Way to make me feel better.”
Ryan felt a breeze on his face, and it felt incredible. The sensation made him feel like he could fly. Trying to take in this feeling he shut his eyes, and relaxed. He was still walking and he breeze was still blowing.
If Ryan had been paying attention he would have noticed the stump and stopped, but instead he came crashing to the ground. Instinctively he stuck his hands out to break the fall. Ryan looked at his hands. They were cut up and bleeding.
“You all right?” Peter asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
Suddenly Ryan wasn’t so fine. As he was standing up he got a chill down his spine, and his blood turned cold. He felt that he wasn’t supposed to be where he was and whatever didn’t want him there was giving him a warning. The wind began to pick up and the trees seemed to cast a shadow that put the boys into complete darkness.
Suddenly Peter ran off yelling, “Don’t let the monster get you!” Peter said this in a friendly way, a joking way, but Ryan was not laughing. He was terrified. It wasn’t the ‘monster’, but the feeling that had just entered him. The feeling could be described as simply evil. Ryan started screaming after Peter. Peter, still taking at a joke laughed and kept running. Ryan broke into tears, and ran faster.
He was running at full speed when his foot slid on some mud. Once again Ryan came crashing down, but this time on his face. About a yard ahead of him he saw the creek. He crawled over to it and looked at his reflection. His face was muddy, with tear streaks on his cheeks. He hit the water and the image changed. He was now wearing a fancy shirt, and was clean. He was smiling, and he was next to Maggie. His heart dropped and the tears came harder. Ryan finally was breaking down, and this time for good.
The tears came to a stop, and Ryan tried to feel happy, but he only felt all of the sad, depressing things. Ryan let his hands go from underneath him. He rolled into the creek, which was surprisingly deep. He opened his eyes and swore he saw Maggie’s face staring back at him, except it was crying. The water was murky, and little sunlight passed through it. He shut his eyes, and thought about the accident, and Maggie, and Jen, and Zach, and Lauren, and Jerry, and Peter, and Lindsey. The thoughts were stronger than ever, and Ryan wanted them out, so without hesitation Ryan took a deep breath, but instead of air, it was water.

*II*

Ryan was watching as his past self was talking to Maggie. He watched as she handed him a note. Ryan watched as he yanked it out of her hand and stuffed it into his back pocket. At this point Ryan realized he had forgotten the note.
“Hey, what’s that yellow thing in your pocket?” Lindsey asked. (The note was on yellow paper)
“It is absolutely none of your business!” Ryan replied.
Once again Ryan had been a jerk. He could have just told her it was a note, plain and simple. Most likely she would have just left it at that, and no meanness would have been involved. But as usual Ryan couldn’t just let anything go.
The past Chris and the present Chris’s attention was now turned toward Maggie. They were both looking at how beautiful she was. At the moment her hair was hanging loose, and some of it fell over her eyes. Her blue eyes were full of life, and looked happy. Off and on she would laugh, and both of the Ryans felt a small surge of excitement when she did.
Ryan, both past and present would have kept on looking all day, if it hadn’t been for the five year old trying to get past. He was heading to the bathroom. Ryan knew how gross it was inside it, but he wanted to make the whole experience even worse, so he tripped the little boy as he walked by. He didn’t even know who he was, probably a chaperone’s kid, but either way he didn’t care.
The present Ryan was shocked. He was having trouble understanding why he was such a jerk to his own age group, but to little kids, what was wrong with him? You don’t push people around you don’t know, and especially when they are still little. He watched as the boy stood up glaring at Ryan. The past Ryan just laughed. The present Ryan watched as the boy’s eyes were filling with tears. He could tell that he was holding them back. At the moment Ryan was doing the same.
The present Chris walked over and began to speak.
“Well you have seen all the terrible things you have done. I hope you feel terrible too. Lucky for you, you have a chance to change it, not prevent it, and keep that in mind. I have shown you what I can, so now it’s your turn. I hope you get ready. Oh, and by the way, the next time you try to drown yourself, make sure you don’t have a good friend like Peter around!”
He woke up gasping for air. The sent of the room was strange, and the temperature was unusually cold. He couldn’t figure out what the smell was, and then he recognized it. It was the smell of latex gloves. He opened his eyes to find himself in a hospital room.
“Thank God, he’s alive,” he heard his mother say. He turned his head. She was sitting beside him, and she looked like she hadn’t slept in days. She had her fingernails in her mouth, but they left her mouth to hold Ryan’s hand. They were wet and clammy. She had been worried sick.
“What happened?” Ryan asked.
“That’s a good question, how about you have Peter explain!” Her voice was soft, but it had an uneasy chill to it, like she knew something that he did not. Ryan’s glance turned to the other side of the room, and he saw Peter. He could tell that he had been crying.
“Hello Ryan, how are you doing?” asked Peter.
“Um, fine, how ‘bout yourself?” he replied.
“I’m doing fine. Ok, let’s cut with the mushy crap, and get on with the story. I’m a nervous wreck!”
“I guess you’re right.”
“Well, hmm, how should I begin? Well I ran off and I was just playing around. You know I was, and I knew you knew there was no ‘monster’, and in the beginning I thought I had just scared you. But when you screamed at me, and I heard you crying, I could tell something was wrong. It was in your voice, I could feel it. At this point I began to run back because I thought something terrible had happened, and I was right, but it just hadn’t happened yet. I was running when I heard you stop crying, and then a splash.”
Peter paused, shuttering, as if he was reliving the moment. He stayed quiet for several moments, and Ryan knew what was coming next, but he simply said; “Go on, I insist.”
“OK, sorry, I just, just, well you know. Well I heard the splash, and I began to quicken my pace, and I started to scream as well, but for my mom. I needed help before I even got to the scene. I know what had happened. By the time I reached the pond you were floating on the top of the water, face down. I panicked and ran into get you. My mom bumped into me as I was carrying you back. She took you from me, because I was mortified. I have stayed home for 3 days. I finally built up the courage to come see you. I thought I had killed you.”
“Three days, three days, what do you mean three days?” Ryan yelped. “You said I fell into the creek, why was I out for three days?”
This time his mom spoke.
“It took so long for you to begin to breathe again. We thought you were dead. Ryan I know you didn’t fall into the creek.”
“What do you mean?”
“You let yourself fall, I know this because you are a perfectly fine swimmer, and Peter’s mom said you were acting funny in the car.”
Suddenly a nurse entered the room and called his mom over. They talked for a few moments in hushed voiced. Peter was asked to leave the r0om. Before exiting Peter said, “Watch yourself, promise me you’ll watch yourself.”
Ryan’s mom returned to him several minutes later informing him that he could go home, but he should rest. The walk to the car seemed like one of the longest walks he had ever taken. He knew his mom was glad he was alive, but he could feel her anger in the air, and in her voice.
“So, you think killing yourself is going to make you feel better?” his mom asked sternly.
“No, it’s just, well, you wouldn’t understand,” he said. He was holding back tears.
“I won’t understand. Young man I think I understand. You act like you are the only one who has gone through an experience like this. When your father died I was devastated, and I didn’t go try and kill myself did I? No.”
“Shut up, just shut up! Yeah, dad died, but we were all sad. I saw 30 deaths, and I feel like it is all my fault. You didn’t experience that did you? No.”
“Excuse me; do not say shut up to me. You have no idea how sad I felt. I stayed strong…”
“And so have I, I’ve stayed strong to. I have visited the families, and I am reliving it,” he interrupted.
“Relived? What the heck are you talking about?” At this point Ryan knew he had made a mistake, and as he entered the front seat he was thinking of what to say to cover himself up.
“Never mind, I’m sorry,” he replied.
“Honestly Ryan, do you think killing yourself is going to bring Maggie back. Huh?” his mother asked. She had begun to cry. Ryan joined in with her, but he still kept talking.
“No I don’t think it will bring back Maggie or anyone else for that matter. Why did you single her out?” Ryan asked scornfully.
“You want to know why I singled her out. I singled her out because as you were sleeping all you said was Maggie. Over and over again, Maggie.”
“Mom, you just don’t understand.”


Chapter Five

*I*

Peter drove home in silence. He could feel his mother’s burning stare. Peter was thinking about the last three days, and how much they changed his life. His eyes were red from crying, and his head hurt from lack of sleep. His mother looked the same.
His mother, Linda Stuart, was worried about Ryan, of course. But she was more worried about Peter. He had finally found a great guy friend and he was so excited. She didn’t want him to lose it. She didn’t understand how his friend just had changed so quickly. One second he was fine and the next he was screaming at the radio.
Peter was thinking of the radio incident as well, but a little differently. Peter had heard Ryan being sad before. But the sound in his voice sounded like it had just came out of Hell, and was stopping for a visit, knowing it would return in just a moment. His voice was the most depressing thing he had ever heard. He didn’t understand why the song had set him off. Yeah, it’s a depressing song, but still, it doesn’t make the typical person scream at the radio.
“So, what are you going to do now?” Linda could no longer hold it in. She needed to break the eerie silence that was settling in the car, and was getting just a little too comfortable.
“Well, I suppose I could call him. Yeah that’s what I’ll do.”
“That’s an excellent idea, let him know you care.” Linda was making this stuff up as she went. She just wanted to let Peter know he could talk. He had never been through anything like this. Even though Peter wasn’t saying it, he felt like the whole thing was his fault, and his mother knew that’s exactly how he felt.
Ryan sat in his basement staring at the wall. He decided to put in a movie. His mother let him stay home from school, and he was glad. He looked through his library of movies, and decided on Signs. He was in for a good scare. He heard his mother vacuuming above him. It drowned out the noise of the movie, and he felt his consciousness float off into a distant land, know as dream land. He slowly felt his eyelids shut, and his mind turned off. He fell into a deep sleep, but unfortunately it didn’t last long.
Chris was glaring at him. He was glaring at him, glaring strait through him.
“You haven’t gotten prepared at all, you are a miserable creature. Attempted suicide, failure, what next. We’re not going to spoon feed you all the answers Ryan. You have to get off your butt and search for yourself. All 30 people count on it, and possibly 31 people count on it. I understand that you have gone through a lot, but you said you would give your life to prevent the past. Well you can do something, and suicide does not count as giving your life.”
“I, I, I, I’m… I’m sorry. I just have one question, why when I you know, breathed in, why was Maggie crying?”
“Well Ryan, why do you think? Why do you think she was smiling? She was trying to make you feel better. And when she was crying, well she was sad that you had given up. She thought that you were stronger than that. But I guess she was wrong.”
“I will improve, I promise. I’ll get myself prepared. I just don’t know what to get prepared for.”
“Well think about all of your dreams. What did they show you? What did they mean to you? What did each individual dream stand for? That is what you need to prepare for.”
“OK, I will try, but you are here for me right? You aren’t going to give up on me too? I can trust you…”
“Well haven’t I been here for you all along. Aren’t I the one who is giving you the second chance?”
“Yes, yes, I guess your right. I’m ready.” Ryan watched as Chris’s glare softened into a smile, not a large smile, but still a smile.
He woke, but this time more peacefully. He noticed the credits were rolling on the movie, and his mind was already thinking of how to prepare. First he remembered the first dream. He remembered it perfectly. He knew what he needed to do.
“Mom, can we go to Target, I need to get a few things.”
“Sure, I guess, let me take a shower first,” his mom replied. She was wondering why he was so ready to go out into the world again. For over a month he wouldn’t leave his room and now he couldn’t wait to leave. She kept these thoughts to herself.
While Ryan’s mom was getting ready he ran upstairs into his room. He began to make a list. He began to make a list of items to obtain.


Picture frame for Lindsey’s picture
Folder for the “klutz”
A thank you card for Jerry
An explanation for the note

That was it, he had forgotten the note. He knew exactly what pair of pants he had worn the day of the crash. He had gone home, cleaned up, and thrown them in the corner of his room, not bothering to wash them. He ran over to them, and started flipping out the pockets. A yellow piece of paper fell out of the last pocket he turned out. He unfolded it, his hands shaking. He read the note aloud to himself. It read;
Dear Ryan,
I’ve been holding something in for the longest time. I can’t hold it in any longer. In fact, I DON’T want to hold it in any longer. I know that I’m just a pretty face to you, just makeup and bouncy hair. Well to me, you are my king, my hero. I have never felt so passionate about a person, ever. If you don’t feel the same way about me it’s fine. I will MOVE on. I love you…
Yours truly,
Maggie Lucida

The note was incredible. He finally had proof that she loved him. But the thing that was really getting to him was why 2 specific words stuck out to him; don’t and move. Together it makes Don’t Move…
He heard his mother call for him. His heart was pounding and his hands were clammy. Don’t Move, wow that was a great help. It just didn’t make sense, no sense at all, just like the rest of this whole thing. He stood up with his legs shaking, heart pounding. He managed to make his way out of the room.
“What’s wrong Ryan?” she asked. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“It’s, it’s nothing. I just had this weird feeling come over me, that’s all.”
They pulled into the Target parking lot, and Ryan was relieved to get out of the car. It had been a silent ride, and he felt like is mom’s stare was burning hole into the side of his head. He stepped out of the car and felt the cold air come in contact to his skin. He felt a raindrop hit his forehead, and his mom asked for him to get the umbrella. He followed her instructions, and climbed back into the car to get it. He was having difficulties trying to reach it, but after several tries he was triumphant, and followed his mom into the store.
Ryan kept his list hidden from his mom. He told her she could go look at what she wanted, and that he would meet her at the car. She thought that this idea was strange, but went ahead and followed it. After losing his mom Ryan began to collect the items. He quickly found all of the items, and ran to the register.
“Hi, thank you for choosing Target,” the clerk said unenthusiastically. He continued, “Why, you have quite a collection of items. What do you need these for?”
“Um, well, uh, I had to get some family members presents.” He felt the clerk’s eyes staring at him through his glasses. The excuse wasn’t very convincing.
He walked outside to the car, and it was poring rain. He saw his mom gesturing to him to hurry up, but Ryan took his time, trying to absorb the water. He couldn’t wait to get home. He was going to go play in the rain, like a four year old.
The car bumped over the curb into his driveway, and the rain had begun to pick up. His mom was stressing out, but a grin was forming on his face. He ran inside, set his stuff down, and ran out the back door.
“Where are you…?” She was cut off by the slamming of the door.
Ryan ran further and further, all the way to the woods. The rain was cold, but Ryan didn’t care. His smile was what showed his feeling. He felt the rain pounding down on him, and began to spin around. He looked straight up into the never-ending sky. It was gray, and he could see the drops for miles up. He thought of how much one raindrop went though before it actually hit the ground. He had to blink several times to get the droplets out of his eyes, and he ran on.
He finally reached his destination; the climbing tree. He flung himself onto the braches, climbing faster than he ever had. The wind was picking up, and his sopping hair began to fly in the wind. The joy inside of him was building up, and tears began to fall from his eyes. He kept climbing, higher and higher, until he was almost at the top. He had never been this high before, and he did not know the branches. He reached up to grab one and it was sturdy. He lifted his leg and heard an unforgiving sound; the crack of a tree branch. One second he was leaping upwards, and the next he was falling down. He tried to grab a branch, but he was unsuccessful. He hit the ground, and heard a funny sound, and then nothing. He began to lose feeling of the drops on his face, and his world began to get blurry. Soon he lost sight, and was unable to talk.

*II*

When Peter was informed that he had a phone call he had no idea who it was from. He was literally shocked. He hardly ever used the phone, and part of the reason was because he hated to talk on it. He only used it on his birthday, and that was when he was talking to his grandparents.
“It’s for you Sweetie.” Peter took the phone and looked at it like it was a foreign object.
“Hello?” There was a pause. “Ok, I’ll try to make it. Bye.” He hung up the phone. His mother asked who it was.
“It was Julie, Ryan’s mom. She wants someone to talk to at the hospital.”
“Oh Lord, don’t tell me that Ryan is in the hospital again. What happened now?”
“Yesterday he fell out of a tree when it was raining. He landed funny. He still hasn’t woken up.”
“I guess we can go.”
Julie Corsiva was pacing back and forth in her son’s hospital room. The room was bare; no pictures on the wall, just white paint. On top of the empty feeling the room gave her, it was cold. There were Goosebumps forming on her arms. She was exhausted. She hadn’t slept but two hours the night before. She was worried sick.
She tried not to remember what happened, but the task was becoming increasingly difficult. If he had just came back in when she called him. He wouldn’t have fallen out of the tree. Thank God he didn’t get struck by lightning. She glanced over to her son. He lay there, still and peaceful. His breathing had slowed, and his heartbeat relaxed. She heard a rapping out the door.
“Come in,” she said, trying to sound loud, but failed to do so. The door opened and she saw Linda and Peter walk in. She was relieved to see them. She was worried she was going to go crazy sitting in that room alone much longer.
“Hi, how are you doing?” asked Linda.
“I could be better. I haven’t slept much at all the past night. I’m exhausted. I haven’t showered either, I’m a mess!”
“Don’t be silly you look fine,” said Peter. He felt stupid saying it, but he felt he needed to say something. He felt like he was naked, in the middle of a crowded room. In reality he was well dressed, and only with 2 other people. He too noticed that the room was dull, white. It was like a box, closing in on you from all sides. You got a sense of insanity when you were standing there.
“How polite of you Peter. I just don’t know what to do. I really would like to go home and shower, but I don’t want to leave Ryan here all alone. And on top of all that, I just want company.”
“We can watch him why you shower if you’d like,” Linda offered.
“Would you really? That is so kind. I feel like a jerk doing this to you; dragging you out here to baby sit.”
“Don’t feel bad, that’s why we came. You just head on home, get yourself cleaned up, and come on back. We won’t leave, I promise. Julie followed the advice and went home. She felt terrible when doing it, but she assumed it would be for the better.



Chapter Six

*I*

Julie let the warm water run down her back. She felt good to stand in the steaming shower. It refreshed her, revived her, let her start anew. She looked at her legs disapprovingly. They had not been shaved or put lotion on in 2 days. She had meant to do it the day before, or Sunday. She was so ready to send Ryan back to school. She was excited that he wanted to get out and see the world again. But than this God forsaken accident happened, and once again, where does he wind up, but the hospital.
She stepped out of the shower and looked at herself in the mirror. She help in all of her emotions to the best of her ability, but her best wasn’t good enough. Her perfect blue eyes let a tear escape, which was followed by another, and soon she was sobbing. Lately she had felt every feeling possible, and they were all stirred up inside of her. Finally they had settled, and for the past day she had felt on edge, like she would snap at any second. Finally all of them had let out. Her insides no longer stirred, and she felt better. Each new tear was like an old emotion escaping the body.
She got herself changed, still slightly crying, sniffling, and raspy breathing. The feeling of being a bad parent left her, and she was ready to start fresh, she was ready to start on a clean slate. The car ride to the hospital was boring, and quite dreary. Julie then realized how tired she was becoming. She pulled out her phone to call Linda, but uncontrollably her eyes began to shut. She was petrified; she new she was falling asleep. She was falling asleep at the wheel; she was falling asleep at the wheel on the interstate.
She heard the sound of a truck horn but it was just a blur to her. She was no longer steering the car. She was heading toward the edge of the road. There was one problem to this situation other than the fact she was falling asleep. The one problem was that a 18-wheeler was blocking her way. The horn was louder, but still not loud enough to wake her up.
Now it was Linda’s turn to get the phone. The call that she received was horrific, and well basically, unimaginable. The news she received caused her to lose her breath. It took her several seconds to regain the grasp of reality. She looked over at Ryan. She had felt bad for him, but now she felt even worse. The reason for this was because Julie Corsiva was dead. She was dead and Ryan was the last of his family. Ryan Corsiva was the last of the Corsivas.
Peter did not know what was wrong with his mom’s expression. It was the most sorrowful expression he had ever seen her hold. It was a mixture of complete sadness, and possibly even some anger. He was relieved when she finally chose to speak. He was not so relieved at what he heard.
“Peter, honey, well I don’t know how to put this, but something terrible has happened,” Linda said. Peter was afraid to here the news.
“Well what happened?” he choked out.
“Julie, you know Ryan’s mom, well, she got in an accident on the way here. She died on the spot, she is gone.” Peter was in complete and utter shock. He had never thought someone he had just seen and heard was now dead.
“Oh.” Oh was all he could say, all he could force out. He had said Oh before, but never like this. He had nothing else to say. He felt like crying, not only for Ryan, but for himself. It had been such a stressful past few days. He was only a kid, and he could only handle so much. This pushed the limits.
“I know this sounds crazy, but we have to go. We have to find her will, and you didn’t know this, but she left us to be the guardians.”
“What?!” Peter exclaimed. He didn’t know whether he was excited, shocked, angry, or all three.
“You see Peter he has no more family, you know all of this, so why am I telling you?”
“No more family? What? I know his mom’s side has no family, but what about his dad’s?”
“You know this; his dad’s entire family went on a reunion and the plane crashed. There were no survivors.”
“Why weren’t Ryan and his mom on the plane? Where were they?”
“Peter, for God’s sake, do we have to talk about this now. You already know where they were. Julie told us everything just the other day!”
“Mom, please, just tell me where they were.” He was now in tears and he was holding back sobs. He did not know why he couldn’t remember. He did not know what was wrong with him. He didn’t know much at all at the moment.
“Peter, Peter… I don’t know why you don’t remember. She just said it. They had a basketball tournament.” The room was silent and they exchanged silent stares. Everything in the room stood still, and the white, bare walls seemed to be swallowing them up.
They were at Ryan’s house now. Ryan was at the hospital. He had a nurse to watch over him. They were searching for the will. They did not know how the mysterious man on the phone knew that they would be Ryan’s new guardians, but they left that question buried in the graveyard of dead questions, which was quickly filling up.
They had finally found it and unsurprisingly all of her possessions went to Ryan, jewelry and all. All of the money was to be left to the Stuarts, except for the 10% that was for Ryan. They did not have a truck for all of the items, so they went back to the hospital. They decided that they would deal with this whole thing when Ryan woke back up.
Ryan was still asleep at the hospital. The nurse Anna was waiting anxiously for the guardians to return. She did not like the eerie silence in the room. The silence was broken by a gasp for air. It caused Anna to jump and let out a little yelp. Ryan had woken up and was staring at the hospital wall. He stayed silent for a moment, and then casually spoke, as if nothing had happened.
“Why am I back here?” he asked.
“Let me get a doctor, one minute,” Ana said. A few moments later a doctor entered the room, followed by a happy looking family, the Stuarts.
“Hello, how are you feeling?” the doctor asked in a friendly voice. He felt like he thought he was 2.
“I’m fine, why am I here?” Ryan was severely confused and did not want to be questioned. He felt like he should be the one asking the questions.
“You fell out of a tree and you landed funny. You have been in a coma for 2 days, thank God it wasn’t longer!” Linda said.
“Where is my mom, why isn’t she here?” This time Peter spoke.
“I know you don’t like things to be sugar coated so here is the news. Ryan I don’t know how to say this but your mom is dead.”





*II*

There was to be no funeral. There was to be no ceremonies. This is what Ryan and his mother had mutually agreed on. The will had been confirmed. Yes all of the possessions had been given to Ryan, but he had decided to donate half of it to the Stuarts, and half of it to charity. What was he to do with a couch, and not to menti0n his mother’s bed? All of the money was given to the Stuarts as well, except for 5% of it, which went directly into Ryan’s saving account.
The cremation was to be scheduled May 10th, a Saturday. It had been a week since Ryan had been released from the hospital, and even though he should feel better, the slight blurriness of conscience was still lingering in the vicinity of Ryan’s many emotions. The fact that his last living relative was no longer living, but on a stone slab at the undertaker’s had not hit him yet.
He only had one thing to look forward to. This was just a minor thing to look forward to, and he was wondering if he was even looking forward to it anymore. He had been looking for a good friendship, a sincere friendship. Moving in with his current best friend could strengthen the friendship, or it could brutally and unmercifully slaughter it.
He was thinking about all of these things as he sat on his old bed, but in his new room. He had stayed in his room the entire week, with the exclusion of going to school. The Stuarts didn’t want to intrude on Ryan, and especially not at the moment. All of the feelings he had felt in the past week were probably unknown to most of the human race.
He was staring at the solid blue walls that surrounded him, that stared right on back at him. They were menacing, and were closing in, just like the walls in the hospital. The sound of a TV was drowning out Ryan’s thoughts. He did not recognize the TV show, but it was loud and obnoxious, and completely, well completely a waste of a half an hour.
He no longer felt sad, but he just felt utter carelessness, complete numbness. The realization of everything that had happened to him had not hit him, and he was getting prepared for the day when it all brutally comes to him. From the accident to the death of his mother he had just been drowned in feelings. All he could think about was his feelings, and how he feels almost all of them, all of them except happiness.
That’s when he remembered it. That was when he remembered the assortment of items he bought at the store. One week later he remembered buying these things, and he remembered that he did not know where they were. This thought caused Ryan to shoot out of the bed, for the first time in a week. He ran down the hall to Linda’s room. He had never noticed how perfect the walls were. He guessed that having only one kid and a dead husband didn’t make much of a mess. He burst through the door without knocking, without even warning her.
“Do you know where my target bag is?” he asked loudly. Linda yelped and turned to face Ryan. She was in a towel, and nothing more. Her face showed surprise, and even a bit of anger.
“Umm, Ryan I don’t think I know what you’re talking about, can we talk about this later? I’m kind of busy at the moment,” she said. She looked flustered and felt it to.
“No, you have to tell me, it had some random items in it and it was lying on the kitchen counter. Where did you put it?”
“Now that you mention it I think I put it on our kitchen counter, yeah, that’s where it is. Not to be rude but can you please leave?” He didn’t even reply. He just burst right on out the doors he came in. He raced downstairs into the kitchen, where he saw Peter eating a snack. He and Peter hadn’t talked all week; he assumed it was just the uneasiness of the whole situation. As he grabbed the bag he forced out a “Hi”, and left the room before a reply.
He now ran upstairs and back into his room. He spilled the contents out of the bag. Everything was there, which greatly relieved him. Then he remembered, he remembered the stupid note. “Where the hell did it go?” he thought aloud. He felt bad for the language but that was the least of his worries at the moment. He tried to remember where he put it, but he was drawing a blank. But then it hit him; it was in his back pocket, the pocket of the pants the day he fell out of the tree.
“Oh crap!” he said. “It’s long gone now, God I’m such an idiot, a bloody idiot.” He heard a rapping at the door. “Come in,” he said. He tried to make his voice sound a little less panicky. Peter emerged into the room. He looked at Ryan strangely and scanned the floor.
“Um, hi. I was just wondering if you would like to come to the park with my mom and me. We are going to Legion Park, it’s off of Mariette Street. Ryan thought for a moment, and concluded that it would be a good idea to get some fresh air. He didn’t speak, but just stood up and headed toward the door. He hoped that this gesture would be enough to signal that he wanted to go.
Peter looked at him and let a slight smile form on his frustrated face. Peter was so happy that Ryan was recovering and he was glad that he was there to help him at any time of the day. Peter followed Ryan down the stairs where they met his mom and climbed into the mini van. At the last minute Linda said, “How about we take the convertible.”
“We better not, it looks like its about to storm,” Peter replied, trying not to let too much confusion show in his voice. Ryan just smiled and turned to Peter and winked. Peter thought how odd this was, but dismissed it, and waited to hear what Ryan had to say.
“Ms. Stuart, I think your idea is a fine one. I’d love to go to the park while it was storming, and I definitely don’t mind taking the convertible. I need as much fresh air as possible. I have been cramped up in my room for a week now.” Linda seemed to take this in painfully, but a smile spread across her face and they moved into the convertible.
Ryan gestured Peter into the front seat, but Peter declined and hopped into the back. Ryan showed a smile and was secretly happy that he declined his offer. He had never had the experience of sitting in the front of a convertible, and he was about to find out how magnificent it was. The car was pulled out and Ryan’s “joy ride” began.
The wind was the first thing he felt, which was followed by the occasional drop of rain. No one in the car seemed to mind the drizzle, not even Peter, who tended to avoid all bad weather. Unfortunately the drive was short, and Ryan was surprised he didn’t recognize the park when they pulled in. It contained some slides and some swings. Ryan did not fancy these childish items, but he was looking forward to hearing the roll of thunder, and maybe if he was lucky he would get to see a streak of lightning.
The group climbed out of the car and Peter headed for the bench, but Linda and Ryan ran together to the center of the park. Luckily they were the only ones at the park, because someone else may think they were crazy. Then he heard it, the crack of thunder, followed by a violent streak of lightning. Ryan began to laugh and spin in circles, and Linda followed Ryan’s actions. Then the rain came. Ryan was wondering why Linda was “playing” with him, and so was Peter, but they both set the thought aside, and Peter joined them.